This is one of the most beautiful and deep processes that I am going through, and I see other people going through as well.
You know, before, I had a certain image of myself. I identified certain behaviours, labels, thoughts, feelings as “myself”, as my true nature. And then I met Human Design and started to experiment with the knowledge that I am about to give you.
With grief, a very painful process starts a process of death. I have started to see and still see my identity dying, so many things I was sure that they “are me”, that are “right” for me, that are “healthy” for me.
I felt I was dying. And as we see in life, as we know in life, things are ending. And maybe you have lost someone close to you, or even went through a divorce or breakup, or maybe some just left your life. There is always sadness, pain, in losing something.
Although this “thing” would be beautiful to have, although that “thing” was horrible to have.
Losing something, separating from something, saying goodbye, shows us that we are not here forever. That this body isn’t going to stay here forever. It reminds us that this is only a temporary process. That life is all about living and dying.
But only a few years after the deconditioning started, following my body and living my experiment, I realise: I’m grieving. I’m grieving about all those moments that I did not love myself, that I did not know who I was, that I did not respect this beautiful body. I’m grieving about all the relationships that I had that were led by a personality that was not me. And I noticed myself crying, I noticed, and still notice my body experiencing a lot of pain, in my core, a very old pain. A pain so deep, that resets, that restores the body and heals the little girl that took upon herself so many things that didn’t belong to her.
I’m saying goodby to so many things outside my body, but also parting with physical sensations in my body that were once at my fingertips. These things don’t belong to my body anymore, to who I really am, now. And this is grieving for me. Just allowing myself to cry, everywhere I can. Sometimes I literally cry, and sometimes it is my essence that cries. But also, through crying and saying goodby, I’m healing.
I say, “Thank you, thank you for serving me, thank you for being part of my process, but you are no longer in my process, you are no longer part of my life. And I hold you in my arms and I let go…”
And with the grieving, meanwhile, starts a new process: Meeting the New Me.
A new light starts to awaken, a new being, a new physical sensation starts to emerge. When you start to be aware of who you are, and who you are not, you start to know a new person, a new frequency, the New You.
And even by saying it, I have tears in my eyes, because this is so touching!
It’s like meeting yourself as a reborn, it’s like holding yourself as a baby, it’s like being the mother and the father of yourself, it’s like making love with yourself. A new person starts to emerge.
So, while grieving and saying goodby to something that you are not, too many things that you are not because it’s not only one thing, it’s too many things; you also start to welcome the new you, new behaviours, thoughts, feelings, sensations… and they feel way warmer, they feel way softer, they feel like being at home.
So you are saying “goodby” to one thing, too many things, and saying “hello” to many other things. And when I say “things” it’s not only people or stuff, it’s more subtle, it’s gestures, it’s your attitude. It’s the way you move your body, it’s the way you smile, the way you talk, the way you eat, the way you dress, the way you behave, the way you relate. It’s the way you love, it’s the way you chose, moment by moment.
You actually witness a new perspective of what it means to be alive. And you start to fall in love with that new thing, with this new life. And it’s a miracle, but it’s a miracle that grows gradually, it’s not that you wake up and suddenly you are anew, not at all.
As we say In Human Design, deconditioning it’s a seven years cycle, seven years where you grieve… and seven years where you are excited, sometimes more, sometimes less. So, it’s actually like witnessing your own death, and witnessing your own birth, both at the same time.
And this is what happens through healing: we see what is no longer serving us and we love it as well, we love it so much that it becomes lighter, and a new frequency can enter. So, what is not serving us, the sadness, the pain, certain behaviours, manners which we thought defined us, could be “dissolved”, in love, and like that, we heal.
– From ” Healing Me – Human Design Foundation Course” –