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Bar's Experience Deconditioning Gates Manifestors Studying Human Design

5 years in Human Design experiment-Deconditioning

5 years in Human Design experiment-Deconditioning

I am an Emotional Manifestor. 6/2 Profile. Cross of Separation – 5 years in Human Design experiment – Deconditioning.

FIRST-YEAR

The first year I met Human Design, I remember feeling in love and that I was saved! The knowledge and its accuracy touched my heart deeply and reached every cell in my body. I had three professional readings where I got the basic foundation of my design. While day and night, I was listening to audios, watching videos, and taking in whatever I could.

At that time I had a generator partner, which funny enough almost completed all my undefined centers! I informed him that we could not share a bed any longer. I also explained to him how I’m here to initiate, so I would try not to respond and to be spontaneous from now on because otherwise, it would simply be unhealthy for me.

Slowly, our relationship transformed until we met only when I initiated something. I remember I told him “if you need to be with another girl, go ahead. I cannot give you what you need, and I cannot be available for you as you need.” While saying it I remember crying like hell! Crying out of relief; crying out of the pain that now was released. The mind screamed and the body smiled.

I talked to my parents as well, and I told them about Human Design. I explained to them what it meant for me to be a Manifestor. They didn’t understand what I was doing or what I was talking about. My speech back then was cold and mechanical, and I guess it was hard to understand for people not in the experiment. Although my experiment led to some inner conflicts within the family, I kept loyal to my path. I had no choice, and I knew this process was way bigger than me. In the first year, I saw everything through Human Design eyes. I was breathing it, and I wanted to talk with everybody about it. I wanted everybody to understand how great it is.

Every single day was a completely new discovery. Don’t get me wrong! It was not nice or calm in any way. All the anger was rising to the surface, as well the tiredness of the body. Seeing the body, that is controlled by the mind, and how it suffers immensely. The wish to be alone. The conflict between the inner and outer world.

After half a year I met my guide, who helped me to ground my frequency within the body and to understand that none of it is mental. That no matter what I know actually matters, it’s actually how I live and let go of control. It takes time anyway! We met regularly for one-on-one sessions, and I became a Living Human Design Guide under his teachings. I’m so grateful to have met him, and to follow him until I felt confident within myself. In my view, the wisdom of human interaction cannot be replaced by any book or audio!

The mind made me chase after more and more Human Design material, with knowledge, it is obvious now, that I could not take in half of it! Because my body still is very so condensed and the knowledge could not stay at that level of embodiment. It was at this time I started to record my process and share videos on YouTube (some of the first videos are still there online). I had no one to talk to about my process except my guide, and I felt I needed an outlet of expression about what was happening to me, which was so meaningful, painful, lonely, and extremely right for me.

SECOND-YEAR

In the second year of the Human Design experiment, I met my ex-partner, an Ego Manifestor. Back then, I was living in Europe, and he was living in Israel. We both were in the experiment, studying, and being curious about the mechanics. It felt like two souls that finally met in the body, we could talk for hours about our experience, about what we discovered, and what we observed around us. I felt like I found a partner in this journey who could understand and relate to this way of life. We moved in together and lived in Europe. I realized, looking back, that all the things were examined in real-life, true relationships through constant human interaction. I was not alone anymore and I could not hide anymore. I was constantly exposed!

 We talked day and night about Human Design. I wish I could record all the beautiful insights that we had together, all the depth, and all the brilliant perspectives that we talked to each other about this year.I was inspired to see how we created our own Human Design language, and Human Design perspective on daily life events. I’m so grateful to have had this time of expression, of hearing myself talking freely, expressing my Manifestor flow, and allowing my Manifestor partner to do the same, to perform, for me, his beautiful song.

Being in love with him evoked so much pain within me, and all the anger that I thought that I could hide came to the surface right away!  I understood that no matter what I know about Human Design, it could not save me from dealing with my deepest fears and pain of the past, and all the traumas I accumulated while not being myself.

 All of my wounds opened. I was crying, screaming, falling apart over and over again. The mind could not understand why I would stay in this relationship, and the body knew that there is still a long way together. Once I allowed myself to love myself through the path of Human Design, to love another being, I could see that love only asks to heal. I could see the mind’s stories all the time, and how they pushed me to action; how the mind is always putting everything out there on the other, blaming, shaming myself and the other.

It was one of the most difficult years in my life, I loved and hated with such power. I met my extremities, and I died so many times. The mind wanted to keep control but I could not, the love kept pulling me up on my fit, the body kept on bringing me back to my track, although the mind insisted and argued and wanted to organize and rule every aspect of my life! It was a constant war! Fight for purpose!

 Once again I realized, there is absolutely no choice, and that struggle between the mind and the body just becomes more and more evident. At the end of this year, my partner and I moved together to Israel, both tired. Now I know that only an Ego Manifestor, with his special design, could bring me back home after so many years of isolation, loneliness, and seeking for answers outside of me. His energy brought me to my homeland, to my parents, to my language. I see now that only a man that has the same energetic power that I have could show me that I’m worthy of love, to embrace my Manifestor side, to reflect me that my sweet inner child could heal, to feel that I am a longer stranger, that my heart can open, that I can be a part and still be me.

THIRD-YEAR

The third year of the Human Design experiment was a year of recovery. I had all my wounds opened, and I felt like I was bleeding. My partner and I lived separately, so we could both have some space and some quiet, after a very intense year together. In this year I reached out for therapy, and the therapist gave space to all the emotions and pain coming out of the undefined centers. From all the years I could not be me, that I didn’t know what it meant to be me, I spoke about anger and loneliness.

I knew I had my Inner Authority, so I was not afraid to receive an outside perspective. Actually, I was glad to not only speak the Human Design language. And I felt there was no need for me to communicate only through Human Design mechanics anymore. I know I can speak it and this is enough for me. I stopped talking about Human Design with most people, and only with people who are already into it or they wanted to hear about it from me.

This year I started to connect with two people who are teaching living and transmitting Human Design in Israel. It was beautiful to meet more people that were experimenting and to get to know them through the body. I realized that although two people or more life and teach Human Design, it does not mean that we will connect or fit each other. The fractal line is way more complex than just the common ground of knowledge.This year I let go completely of dance teaching, which was something that I had been doing for the last 4 years. All my life has been dedicated to dance and movement so far. I kept on meeting more and more Manifestors for one-on-one sessions until I realized it’s time for me to initiate my first Living Your Design course for Manifestors! And so I did.

I met 13 beautiful Manifestors from all over the world who were willing and curious to meet up together and to learn the basics of Human Design and dive deeper into their experiment, I am in touch with most of them until today.  At the end of this year, my partner and I moved in together once again. We were ready once again to dive into a more intimate daily encounter, and we did everything we could to prepare us for safe, solid ground, like building a nest on the physical and emotional planes.

FOURTH-YEAR

The fourth year of the Human Design experiment was a mixed feeling year for me. On one hand, I felt like the process of coming home to Israel was completed. I spent days at home resting and creating. My relationship with my partner had the right conditions to grow, I kept on teaching Human Design and meeting people for private sessions, but something in me asked for a deeper change again, I was not sure what it was? 

I started two Human Design collaborations as I wanted to work with others and build a little cozy supportive community, one of them I left at the early development of the project, and the other one last for a couple of months and I had to let go because finally, I could grasp what it means to be a Manifestor, and how much impact I have, therefore how much responsibility I have. I understood through the hard way that I can’t, or want to initiate any large project before I know how to lead myself constantly and know how to navigate my own energy with grace. It was a painful great lesson that showed once again that Human Design is not at all about what I know, it is about how I behave, and it takes time and dedication until fundamental behavior changes, therefore I have to be patient, although it is hard for the mind!

A bit before my partner and I started to build up rutin and create roots where we live, the global pandemic came, and I felt the inner calling for self-confirmation and inner confidence even stronger, there was no outer frame to support or provide trust, all I had was my inner authority. I understood that I needed to dive into the deep pain and suffering that I experience on a daily basis, as the outer chaos was just reflecting on my inner chaos, I saw how much ignorance there is still within, and as well in my intimate relationship. I wanted to meet and to touch deeply the wounded child within me, I didn’t know how to do so? How to change from the source? but the call was there.

I started to go to an energetic healer and after half a year with her, my partner and I broke up. We had 3 years of extreme transformation in a very fast time, we were 2 powerful, stubborn Manifestors, that had much in common but also different ways to walk. Then I realized how hard it is, to start the path of Human Design deconditioning and cultivate an intimate relationship at the same time, my body could not hold the amount of new information and be healthy at the same time. I am grateful that I learned what I am really capable of, and what I am not, how the mind wants things to be, and what the body really needs.    

THE FIFTH 

I moved to the small little village where I grew up. I felt like I needed to be close to family, to be supported, and have quiet. I also was asking to meet my core patterns that cause suffering in my intimate relationship and find the way to my inner home. During that year, I went to all kinds of emotional, physical, energetic amazing healers that supported me and guided me to feel the deeper layers of my body and to come to the beautiful, light, love the energy that I am over and over again. I needed to dedicate all of my resources to healing Because I was broken, tired, as so many things in my life changed since I met Human Design, inside out I had to take time to digest it all, to give space to have discovered. I kept the Human Design teaching on a low fire now, because I had no motivation and energy to lead, and also I needed to let go of everything I believe in, so I could feel ME – with no extra explanation, so saying also goodbye to Human Design was a way to see what is real to me? And what are just a pattern and another way of mind to show me that I am worthy of love because of it?

Ending this year showed me many new faces of what it means to live my design, and I have collected many tools and approaches to meet my body. I feel many things were left behind too, and the way I see and live Human Design is way more clear and clean to me. Now I see Human Design as my personal initiator to the deep healing process of the self, it is the door opening, and at the end of this year, that was stormy and challenging I could feel that a very thick layer was removed, and something very subtle and gently started to show up, it is happening very slowly, and it is still fragile and vulnerable, feeling like a newborn. So now I  make sure to keep the right conditions in order to allow the healing process to continue, to expand in its time. I learned that self-care is the only ground for self-love, and it needs to take shape in all aspects of life, and all the time, I learned to use my willpower to take care of what my body and soul really needs before anything else. Now, finally, I feel the patience not to skip steps on the way of progress, and knowing that I have to pay a very big price if I happen to listen to the mind.I am proud of myself for not giving up surrendering time after time to an unexplainable force that is calling me for self-love. 

Starting a new year…

——-

I know it is a seven-year cycle, a seven-year cycle. I can see the difference, and how many things have changed for me. Year after year I am getting a new meaning, and a new layer of embodiment, that only time can expose. Only life trajectory can expose. There is no choice. I never did this process, the process did me, and it still is.

I did not choose Human Design, it took me, it ripped me apart, and it’s building me up again, time after time, while I am just watching all of it happen. Yes, I use the word “I” in order to communicate the story to you, but every time it is just more obvious that there is no “I” in all of it there is just the process that is being observed.

Let’s see where life will lead me? 

I wish you all good luck on your journey, patience with where you are, kindness in your heart, love for everything that comes your way, the recognition that only time will expose the unfolding story of life through you. 

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Bar's Experience Centers Deconditioning Relationship Studying Human Design

My experience with Undefined Ajna

My experience with Undefined Ajna

My experience with undefined became clear just in the last year. In the beginning, I could not really understand what it meant to have an undefined Ajna Center? What is the not-self of the undefined Ajna Center? How does it take shape within me?
But after being in a relationship for a while with a person that has defined an Ajna, I could better see what it means
 
The pressure to fix thoughts patterns.
 
For me every time I was not in my body, loyal to the depth of my emotional authority, I felt like I experienced headaches and pressure in the head, eyes, and the back of the neck. It came from the enormous pressure to have a consistent way of thinking, a way of expressing my thoughts that were fixed.
 
Before I met Human Design I was always trying to be like other people that have such clarity and consistency in their way of formulating thoughts and mental ideas. It sounds so solid and stable to me, but after being in the Human Design experience a while I noticed that this is only the sound of the Ajna.
 
It does not necessarily have physical truth. I slowly started to notice the difference when the defined Ajna is supported by the frequency of the body vs when it is playing its regular audio of data analysis.
Though I must admit it’s not easy to identify the difference.The Ajna Center is the main primary center that takes life and translates it into forms, objects, words, and concepts that we can understand and communicate with each other. For me, very often, it sounds very convincing. It sounds like the truth, like confidence. But actually, it can only be the fixed frequency that is expressed there, like any defined center.
 
What is under the cover?
 
I must admit that it was hard for me to stand in front of the defined Anja, and to bring my truth. Because in my case I don’t have firm mental arguments, fixed patterns to see and organize reality. I just don’t have them. What I do have is the way I feel and what my body resonates with or not. Many times I feel under this pressure, under the concepts, the ideas, the illusion of words that sound so clever and smart. But actually, they can be just a cover. It took me a while, a very long while, to be able to remove the content of the words that were actually well expressed, leaving only the frequency of the person, and from there, to listen.
 
Being inspired
 
On the other hand, when I and the other person were in our bodies, and in our authority, I could enjoy the expression of a unique way of thinking from the other and be inspired!
And through compromising in the Ajna through various gates, I could also experience the exposure of my own unique structuring of concepts. To be with an undefined Ajna means, for me, to enjoy many ways of seeing reality. Being exposed to all kinds of different boxes, that never passed in my way of thinking before.
 
The main insight that I have so far is to allow myself fluidity of thoughts, to flow with my perspectives on life in the mental realm, knowing that there is no certainty in the way I think. There is no consistency, I can simply change my observation and my mind quite easily. The only thing I can trust is the body and the frequency of it. In my case, emotions, and the way I feel without any explanation, in the moment and over time.
 
People with undefined Ajna, how do you experience it?
Do you feel more inspiration or more pressure where you are now in your process?
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Bar's Experience Deconditioning Essence Studying Human Design

Why do I choose Human Design as a healing tool?

Why do I choose Human Design as a healing tool?

To be honest, I didn’t choose. Human Design chose me. I met Human Design tired and exhausted from life, lost and sad. And suddenly something clicked, as I was waiting for this kind of perspective for a long time. The words, terminology, the essence, and the frequency of Human Design resonated with me.This is why Human Design. There was a high resonation in my body.

In my perspective, Human Design is very specific. It can give me and you a very deep insight into the process of deep healing that takes plays when you are ready.
Because we are not healing in the same way, we are not healing the same specific wounds. As humans, of course, we have collective wounds, as women, as men, and more divisions. But what are the wounds that ask to be healed through your body, through my body? Human Design is categorizing and opening up in a very detailed way to your unique healing process. And this is what happens with Human Design, in that way or anthor.
Some will call awakening, some transformation or other names, I see it as Healing. A chain of healing that starts from one-self and impact the past, the present and future of others too.

So, why Human Design?

It is personal, it is individual, your healing process will not look like the healing process of another. Human Design  is giving you basic tools, basic insights, and awareness, so you can see what this healing process means for you. Who will be the characters in your healing process, the forces that will empower and support you? I don’t know. But when we chose Human Design, we chose a common language, we chose a lens to look at reality to express the forces and the mechanics in play, so slowly but surely the mind can relax and the body can take the lead.

So, why Human Design?

It is precise, it is well-labeled, there are words and frequencies that match. That I can communicate with you and understand you, because words are very tricky and Human Design has the gift of creating that bridge, between frequencies and terminology.

So, why Human Design? 

It’s a path, like any other path. It’s a tool, like any other tool. It is not better than others, it is just what you have found, what found you. So we use Human Design and eventually it becomes part of us. And I hope that will come, the moment when you can use it and put it aside, that you can use it when you need it. That it is so embodied within you, that you don’t even think about it as Human Design. It is just your life, the life.

Do you feel the call? Human Design found you?
Start your Human Design healing process with the deep inspiring online course – “Healing Me – Human Design Foundation Course”. 

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Bar's Experience Channels Deconditioning Studying Human Design

3 Manifesting Channels

3 Manifesting Channels

In Human Design bodygraph we have three manifesting channels. Two of them connect the Solar Plexus Center to the Throat Canter, and one of them connects the Heart Center to the Throat Center.
 
They represent the frequency of direct manifestation. They will be pulled to act or to talk in order to manifest or express that thing or another.
Three of the four channels connect Motor Centers directly to the Throat Center, and the other channel connects the Sacral Center to the Throat Center, therefore it’s a generating Channel and not a pure Manifesting one.
 
I have two of those channels, therefore I feel that I have some insight from inside about how they display the mechanics in my simple human life. And as I work with a lot of Manifestors, I know pretty well the third channel and it’s frequency by meeting so many people that carry it.
But anyhow the learning process never ends, and I know that what I see now is not what I will see through time and further experience. And of course, for each one of us, it takes shape differently, as we have very different designs and we grew up in different circumstances and conditioning.
I will do my best to express what I see, hoping it can support you on your way, the way of self-love.
 
21-45 Channel
 
For me, this is one of the most complicated, controversial, and beautiful channels in the whole body graph.
It represents the frequency of support, money, handling resources, providing education and structures for the tribe. It is the queen or the king of the tribe—a small group of people. It is the voice that speaks to the needs and the capacity of its people in order to provide them with the best.
 
The dark side of this channel is to be busy with its own survival. Trying to make money only for its own safety. Being all the time in control, manipulative, or trying to hide from responsibilities, and ignoring its educational capacities and willpower. Either it is too protective or too open with its boundaries when it comes to handling its energy on the material plane.
 
On its bright side: it is trying to provide resources for its people, wondering all the time what will be the best for them? Which kind of structure, framework, and pathway will be the most supportive to their own learning process? Only by changing its perspective can this channel understand that money will come only when needed to contribute to and benefit others, to improve their lives, and to make them feel safe, secure, and abandoned.
 
35-36 Channel
 
For me, this is the most adventurous and surprising channel. It represents the frequency of the wide varieties of human emotions and experiences.
 
These people always seek adventures, to feel, to experiment deeply, to dive into the unknown in order to share about it later to the whole world, not saving any detail of pain and pleasure of its own experience.
The dark side: it is actually moved by hunger. It cannot stand emptiness. It cannot wait for the right next adventure and is addicted to excitement. It can be also addictive to sexuality, looking for the next mountain to conquer. It doesn’t take the time to recover and understand what was there, what kind of pain and pleasure was working the tryout, it’s too busy with looking for the next extraordinary emotion. So it barely appreciates what it has gone through. Therefore it can find itself emotionally irritated, living on a roller coaster of emotions, dangerous to itself and others.
 
The bright side: it can find pleasure in any aspect of life. It cultivates patience and a deep understanding of human emotions. It can be extremely bold when it knows what healthy boundaries are. It takes time to digest its experiences, therefore it can share a wide, complex, rich, emotional experience with the other. It can encourage people to live their desires and how to prepare the space for them internally as well as externally.
 
12-22 Channel
 
I love to see this channel in play. It is a deeply inspiring passionate channel. It represents individual mutation through words, the capacity to penetrate the other through individual acoustic expression. By talking about its own emotions in the most sincere, honest way.
The dark side: it can use its words and emotional picks to literally kill the other, to manipulate, and oppose its emotions through hard, rash expression, or it can hide its emotions so its
frequency becomes passive-aggressive, like an unspoken volcano that is about to explode.
It can fall into a deep depression and melancholy, deeply identify with the music, smooth without any proportion or awareness of the chemistry.
 
The Bright side: it’s a great artist in the way it behaves and speaks about what it feels in the moment. In the way it allows its emotions to flow and to go up and down with no attachment. In that way, it mutates people while expressing to them its own passion, its own roller coaster in such a poetic way, that it seems like a complete art piece, with no limits or fears about what it means to feel like a human.
People may feel an appeal to listen and want to have a harmonic conversation that can transform their life even without them being aware of it.
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Bar's Experience Channels Deconditioning Studying Human Design

Channel 36-35

Channel 36-35

The Human Design body graph includes, within it, channels that are formed out of the connection of two gates. Each channel has a different quality and mechanics, and it connects two energy centers.
When there is a channel, it creates a definition, which means a consistent flow of life force. You can hear, see and feel this life force when you speak and act.
Here I share a channel that I carry. A channel I live and watch in action in the wonderful experiment of Human Design.
 
It is all about change
 
I am in love with it! I experience the desire for a change in cycles of my life, an emotion expressed by a strong desire to feel and live new experiences, new people, to move forward in every aspect of my life.
The waves bring about a new experience, and the process happens in the following steps:
  • Longing for more experience
  • Entering the experience
  • The experience itself
  • Exiting the experience
  • The Crisis after the experience
  • Sharing and looking at what was that lived
  • Looking forward to the next experience!
These experiences can be in any area of my life, from little ones to big ones, from making a change at home, replacing where I teach, raising awareness, visiting a new place, meeting a new person, and so on.
What is wrong with me?
 
Before going into the experiment, those feelings put a lot of pressure on me. I have so much passion and curiosity that simply exists in my body, my physical form, and without the understanding of my emotional clarity, I always had a feeling that I was not fulfilling myself. Not enjoying enough life!
 
What I found out is that I indeed have an extreme desire that is looking for an outlet – But I live in a slow body! So, today I just get excited and allow myself to fantasize about dreams, and I know, I’m slow! So it may take a long time for me to have these experiences, if at all.
I place them in my emotional dream box, and allow them to gain timing and to be exposed when the time is right! I’m learning how to contain a huge desire for progress and change. How to love the new and prepare the place for it? How to wait for the right moment to realize and recognize the new?
 
The crisis after the experience
 
This channel also carries the crisis energy within it. For me, it came out through crying and being exhausted emotionally. It is like the moment when you climb a high mountain and reach the top, where there is sweetness but also pain from the long journey, some leg pain, and happiness in the eyes. It is a result of all the tension, excitement, pressure, and build-up that took place in the process of living the experience. There is pride and despair, appreciation and pain.
Before the experiment when such moments came about, I was really in shock. I told myself – what is wrong with you? After all, it was a good experience. Why are you so broke? What happened this time? And my mind was running a thousand answers in those moments of crisis.
Today I am more aware and I can wait for those moments of crisis. I can be a little less stressed or surprised when they arrive. When the moment comes, I say to myself – “Here you are, a moment of precious crisis! You, never disappointing, signify the end of my journey.”
 
Sharing at the end of the experience
 
Then come the moments of sharing about what I went through – telling about the experience, the challenge, and the insights. The sharing happens by itself, never planned. It is an unexpected way that it finds its way out in a post, in a conversation, during these moments I pour out my journey.
 
After all, this is a channel that brings to life adventure, crises, emotional overview, change, and wishes for new! An urge to move forward and share the experience with everybody, so the collective will know about the emotional physical experience that I went throu
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Bar's Experience Deconditioning Essence Studying Human Design

Human Design – Making Decisions From the Body

Human Design – Making Decisions From the Body

Often, a person is stuck with continuous, ruminating thoughts, and then makes choices in his life according to these thoughts. These thoughts can be fears, principles, or ideologies that have been fixed over the years.
A person can feel like a slave to the same patterns of thoughts and habits. Sometimes, the person realizes that following and acting upon these thoughts does not feel good. He encounters many objections and obstacles in life when listening to them.
 
There is another possibility of making decisions from within the body, as distinct from the unending flow of thought. There is a clear frequency in the body that can direct a person to choose for himself, out of Inner Authority. This is a frequency that does not enter into any convention or thought but is simply a choice that resonates in the body.
 
This same choice made by the body can often go against those thoughts that are assimilated from the outside, that form the complex system of human identity. Therefore, it is very possible that the thoughts will not like the choice, but the body will feel calm, satisfied, and relaxed with what is done.
 
Slowly, the body will gain more authority in human life. The thoughts will not go away, but will gradually lessen in the amount that they trigger a person to move around the world and behave in one way or another. Eventually, they will become only a background sound that accompanies the experience without shaping it.
 
Every person can reach a level of deep and complex acquaintance with his body. He is able to learn and understand it more than anyone else. He can become the inner and primary authority in his life, before any other person’s opinion or thought.
To know how to rely on the body and to make decisions in everyday life is a tool for everyone. One only has to learn to listen to it and to know how to look clearly at the thoughts that prevent him from hearing that sound.
 
Since I received this tool in Human Design, the body has become a little more of an authority every day, helping me to make decisions in my life. Thoughts have gradually become less meaningful in managing my actions or behavior.
 
Whether you are attracted to the way of connecting to the body as a source of decision-making and conducting your daily life, or you’ve heard about Human Design and it’s calling you. Feel free to reach out and receive personal guidance\ or study in your timing while you know others are ready to support you and empower your path at any given moment.
 
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Bar's Experience Deconditioning Essence Studying Human Design

Life is Happening

Life is Happening

 
 Life is just happening. We are just taking its shape somehow. It is an illusion, thinking that we can do something about what is happening, or not do anything, or that someone is in charge of something. It is all happening one way or another. The fact that we are able to see it, to accept it, is also not our choice.
 
Some people call it luck, but if I manage to be correct, or not if I manage to notice or to identify which kind of forces are acting at the moment, it’s not something that is controllable. It’s just something that is happening.I see my mind screaming and fighting to know what is happening, to label it, to structure it, to give it names and explanations, and using Human Design to do that. “This is because of that… and this is because of that…” Those are all stories. They’re interesting stories. It’s nice to share stories, but remember that it’s all motion, the life that is happening.
 
The Freefall
 
I found the realization that this embodiment takes time. I didn’t really receive these words in the beginning, “no choice” and “free fall.” I heard the words, but only over time did they slowly sink into me. This was just the beginning.I can see it in myself. I can watch this attachment to the story, to the explanation, and how scary and liberating it all is for existence. It’s also scary for the mind, not knowing. Over and over again, I fall into this trap of analyzing, of trying to reason and make sense out of things that don’t have reason or sense, or they do in a certain constellation, and then they fall apart and reconstruct in another sense.
 
Living in this space is extremely new for me. Sometimes it’s there and sometimes not. Sometimes I’m totally diving into my realizing and controlling mind which is taking over. There is nothing that I can do about it. It’s happening or not happening. This state of freefall is not something that I can choose to be in. It’s something that is happening to me. Living the Human Design way is not something that I can do. It’s something that is happening to me. That’s so liberating.
 
You’re Not Doing It
 
Deconditioning is not a process that one can force. We all have our own timing for when we realize, what we realize, and with whom we realize. We don’t know any of this, so this requires trust. Sometimes I am fully trusting and excited, but this is also dependent on my emotional wave. Life shows me different views. It’s so deep and inspiring, and sometimes completely not. It’s having this blink of realizing that you’re not doing any of it.
 
The illusion of doing it is a big joke, that I can do deconditioning, that I can choose to live my design. In a certain sense, maybe you can, but on a large scale, it’s just energy passing.I have found that, for me, it gave me a lot of humbleness, and also patience, and self-realization, that I cannot rush the process. I cannot push the process of others, no matter how smart, and how clever and brilliant, I am. Also, for myself, how strict, strong, or determined I am (and with a defined ego, it’s confusing!), I cannot do anything about it.
 
And, by not doing it, it is happening that way or another. I love observing, catching how people get things, when they get them, or not. I love observing myself, realizing things only when I realize them, not before and not after. I realize things only when life is showing me when it is passing through me, when I’m trusting that it’s exactly what it’s supposed to be.
 
The Contradiction, or Not
 
Discussing Human Design, and at the same time thinking that we are doing it, is a contradiction. It’s fine to be there in contradiction. It’s okay to believe in it, until at some point you stop, or not. I’m grateful when those moments arrive. It’s kind of a tiny light to a beautiful possibility of living the life, of expressing life without oppression, without stress, without fear. We all have our own timing. I love the different timing that we each have.Our life, its magic, and its unique expression are creating something. I wish you all a very rich experience, one where you can let go of doing it or of the idea of doing it. Take care and love to your process and where you are.
 
Awareness + / Contemplation Questions.
 
Have you experienced a time in your life when the forces took control, where life happened, and you had no control over the outcome?
What did this feel like? 
Did you find yourself fighting against it, or did you just let it unfold naturally?
Are you a person who tries to intellectualize everything, to attach explanations or definitions to the various aspects of life, or do you tend to mostly observe?
Perhaps you do a bit of both. If that’s the case, how does it feel in each mind frame? Do you prefer one way over the other?
Categories
Bar's Experience Centers Deconditioning Relationship

My experience with the undefined sacral

My exprience with open spleen 

The open spleen is one of the most fascinating centers to look at in my body graph. The spleen is completely open, and all fears and intuitions are passing through there.
 
The illusion of physical safety
 
I remembered my father told me that as a child I used to enter a road full of cars without even caring, with no fear, and with complete ignorance of the possible danger. When I grew up, those reckless decisions became an attachment and an unreasonable fear for survival.
A few months before I entered the Human Design experiment, I had a boyfriend with a defined spleen, and I remember feeling so safe around him, like I could do anything and be everywhere and at any time and under any conditions, acting like a complete Tarzan. But while alone I would not even consider those adventures.
After a few months of dating, I needed to leave my place, and I immediately jumped on the opportunity to live next to him, close to nature, in a yurt. Back then he had no running water and no heating system. He was almost self-sufficient with all physical needs. My mind found it charming, but my body suffered immensely.
The feeling of being protected, like I could do everything around him was so strong! Once I came back home, all the courage and curiosity vanished away, and I was glad to come back to my princess palace which is clean and warm, compared to him it even seemed spoiled.
 
Seeing conditioning in action!
 
After a while, I met the Human Design experiment and dove radically into it. Our road started to split, and he funny enough had almost all the same undefined centers I have. The genes are just trying to find the perfect match and with no Inner Authority, they succeed in doing so! Hilarious!
I was deep in my experiment and could not ignore the mechanics. I needed my space alone, to not be overloaded by sacral energy, to take care of my body, not to make any intuitive decisions, or to be under pressure.
I came to him and I said that I might take some distance for a while. He knew about Human Design, and he respected me while being convinced that I’m crazy 🙂 He was extremely kind but could not understand things that I experienced within my body while I’m around him.
The same day we broke up and I left his place. I remember all my body shaking, I started to cry, and I felt like a little baby being left alone in the dark. Like I might die every second moment, or as if someone will come in any moment and eat me. I felt unprotected and weak. Like I could literally not survive on my own. (although I had already been living on my own since the age of 18, including three years alone in foreign countries).
Because I had in my awareness the knowledge of Human Design, I knew those were only the voices of my open spleen speaking in their not self-frequency. And I could see clearly its effect on my body! Once I got home everything disappeared, the chemistry dissolved, and I felt relieved.
 
Beautiful – yet not mine
 
I understood that all the moments that I wanted to be spontaneous, to be out there in nature under every possible condition, while I trust my intuition, are simply false. I learned to respect the needs of my physical body, to take good care of it, knowing that my body is extremely sensitive, seeing over and over again that I can have fears with no proportion.
Nowadays I surrender to the fact that I am a little princess, and I need my palace. I need to be very attentive to the food I put in my body, to hot and cold weather, and even to the people that I meet. Now I just enjoy seeing people living in the wild, being intuitive, I enjoy seeing their trip while knowing that this is not mine. And I thank, once again, the Human Design knowledge and embodied experience, exposing to me time after time who I am and what I’m not, so I can enjoy my ride and live it fully.
Undefined and open spleen people – how do you experience it? What do you discover about yourself from it?
Categories
Bar's Experience Centers Deconditioning Manifestors

My experience with the undefined sacral

My experience with the undefined sacral

The undefined sacral is a very interesting topic for me to share about. Over the years I discovered so many layers of wisdom and pain within this center.
I grew up in a house with a generator mother and brother. Both my father and I are Manifestors and of course, have undefined sacrals.
When I was told that I’m not here to work, I could not believe how deep this sentence goes, and I started an ongoing investigation of what “work” really means to me?
And if I’m not here to “work”, what am I here for?
 
Sacral Rehab
 
In the first two years of my Human Design experiment, I felt I was passing through a complete “sacral rehab” as I like to call it. I was reducing work, physical activity, interaction with people, all I was longing for was just time on my own while doing nothing, hanging around with, myself, or going crazy, but surely learning to be with whatever is and I managed to do so. To maintain my needs with really little work, to make space for my own, to spend most of my days floating in my own bubble.
Now I understand that cutting away from the world was the relatively easy part, and that actually the real sacral rehab is just starting! What do I mean by that? When I had no excuses, no outer distractions, no physical work that demanded much of my attention or time, then I had to meet all the thinking patterns, pain, memories, dark places hidden in the undefined sacral.
I remember that one of the most powerful thoughts I had is “ life is happening outside, around people in constant activity. If I’m not there I’m not alive”.
 
If I’m not working and producing, meeting with people, who am I then?
I felt confusion, self-doubt, loneliness, fear, and disorientation, while I allowed myself not to be available.
I knew I was passing through a very deep transformation. Every day I discovered a little piece of my real energy, every day I discovered a sacral addiction. I could recognize it in the physical body and mental body. I remember being very tired and getting exhausted easily. I remember how weird it felt to be so young yet so tired!
But for the first time in my life, I did not try to solve it, thinking that something was wrong with me. I knew I wasn’t sick. I knew that I was healing from one of the most powerful conditioning we have as non-sacral beings.
 
Wisdom
 
After 2-3 years,  I discovered new energy rising within my body, I felt like the first part of the rehab was over, and the resting and investigation became a wisdom resource. My main questions became how to channel and navigate energy correctly? How could I be efficient and organized enough to use my beautiful life force?
I have energy because I’m alive, because I’m here, and my energy is indeed special and different, and I have to treat it like that!
I learned to be attentive to all the things that give me energy, and all the things to take my energy away: food, people, working space, inspiration input, physical activity, resting time, physical environment – I saw everything through the lens of what gives me energy and what takes away the energy?
 
I didn’t feel bad anymore saying no, setting my boundaries, having enough sleep, working hours that were fitting for my physical condition.
I feel like I started to master the art of quantities, which would increase quality. I know there is still a long way to go, but I feel my body is cleaner and clearer every day. I don’t experience burnout anymore. I recover fast. I feel vital and inspired more than ever.
And I’m looking forward to using this energy and to keep on expanding.
I also know that it didn’t happen in one day. I had to go through many days of emptiness, tears, facing a lot of my fears.
Now I see the sacral condition as a source of pure wisdom. All the undefined sacral beings are possessing this beautiful precious gift, which is handling energy correctly, efficiently, and maximizing quality.
Categories
Bar's Experience Deconditioning Essence Relationship

To know my ride, to ride my ride, to love my ride.

To know my ride, to ride my ride, to love my ride

This weekend, as I was driving it was a sunset moment, the roads were kind of quiet and I felt like – this is it!
This is Human Design for me!
It is driving. It’s seeing my own body in space and learning out of the experience. It’s seeing the view change, seeing the people coming and going, my emotions, my thoughts, my feelings and practicing the mechanics. Seeing the mechanics.
 
Learning through movement.
What I see happening is that I can sit inside my car and study everything about the mechanics of the car without using it.
That actually my real learning is happening when I drive the car, when I check if there is enough air in the wheels, if the steering wheel is moving smoothly, if I have enough gasoline, if the windows are clean or not.
I need to check it for real just because I drive, and while I drive I can hear the noises in my car or I can hear the different songs that play out on the radio.
 
Looking backwards
I understand looking backward, now. Before I met Human Design and before I knew my inner mechanics, I was hiding from life. I was hiding from interactions, from people, honest decision making, from taking my real place in life because I was afraid and I did not know how I operate.
I was afraid of losing myself among others and I didn’t know what to trust within me. I did not know to separate what is me and what is the other, and it kept me locked within my own cocoon. Slowly I was shrinking and getting cold and lonely.
Luckily Human Design came and slowly but surely I saw how to start to open up and start to take my place in the world, as myself.
I dare to move, to drive around, to open up to people because I have my own ground. I start to feel my own body and trust it.
What I see when I meet people, and I am within my own experience, I see our duality of pain and happiness, the duality of mind and body, the duality of the physical plane and the spiritual plane, the duality of me and you.
I see that everything can co-exist.
I could not feel it before, I only knew it as a concept but now it’s an experience. It’s evident and it’s tangible.
I can see that things can appear and disappear together and that there is a place for everything.
I start to feel my own place. Therefore, I can give place in my life to other people. I can give place to other frequencies within my awareness.
This process is happening to me through making decisions, through actions.
Through literally taking my car and driving, moving in the world, talking to people, interacting and daring to choose and change every day.
No matter what I know about Human Design and about my chart, it does not count for me if I cannot live it out and if I cannot experience my life fully.
 
Meeting other cars
Human Design is helping me to make this ride on the road smooth and safe, interesting, and inspiring. Being on the road is for me. Meeting the people that are for me.
Once I know the mechanics, I can just experiment with it, I can play with it, and I can trust it.
When I drive in my own car and I look out the window, I see other cars, and I don’t care if they drive faster or slower, or if they’re more expensive or if they crash.
When I look outside and I see other cars, either I find that they are relevant to me and to my process, and I get inspired, empowered, and my experience gets richer, or I find they have no value for me.
But if I do not remain on my own ride, I cannot enjoy other people. places, interactions.
Only my road allows it to happen. The road that is exactly for me.
To know my ride, to ride my ride, to love my ride.